Forever With You (Silver State Series) Page 21

  “I don’t know…” he says. “Can you drive?”

  I let out a quiet sigh as I nod my head and reach for the keys. My head hurts and I have horrible night vision to begin with, but luckily we don’t have far to go. As soon as we’re strapped in, Aiden says, “What’s with you tonight?”

  I blink at him in disbelief. “What do you mean?”

  Hearing the hard edge to my voice, he shrugs like he’s trying to play it off. “You’ve been acting like you’re mad at me,” he says softly. His voice sounds like a little boy caught stealing from the cookie jar.

  Unable to suppress my irritation, I emit an acerbic laugh. “I feel like shit, okay, Aiden? I told you I didn’t want to go in the first place.” I sniff. “And then you were, like, out-and-out flirting with that girl with the boobs.”

  His eyebrows knit together. “Stacy? I wasn’t flirting with her. We were just talking.”

  When I don’t reply, he lets his head roll back against the headrest. He forces out a breath, but I can’t tell whether it’s exasperation or repentance he’s expressing.

  After a few minutes of quiet, he chuckles softly to himself. I quirk an eyebrow at him. “What?”

  He raises his head to look at me. “You know what might help?”

  I shoot him a questioning look. Do I really want to hear this?

  Aiden surprises me when he rubs the back of his hand against my cheek, then trails the tips of his fingers down my arm. “You could spend the night at my place…”

  My mouth drops open, and my face grows warm. He’s drunk, I remind myself. He doesn’t know what he’s saying. Quickly I dart my eyes back to the road.

  Aiden lets out a resigned chuckle. “Relax, Tawny – I’m kidding.” His smile fades, and he turns away to face out the window.

  My heart is hammering in my chest. I spend the last few minutes of the drive with my hands clenched tightly around the steering wheel, unable to speak. I know it frustrates Aiden that we still haven’t had sex. Times like these, I think his patience must be running pretty thin, and I don’t know that I can blame him for that. I do like him – I wouldn’t have wasted all these months on him if that wasn’t true – but I’m just not ready for…that. Maybe it’s a defense mechanism – maybe I’m subconsciously protecting myself from a replay of The Kyle Situation. Or maybe it’s that Aiden and I are missing some unidentified, key ingredient. I’ve analyzed my thoughts around it six ways to Sunday, and I still can’t make heads or tails of it.

  I roll to a stop in the parking lot outside Aiden’s apartment building. He looks up as if he’s taking it all in for the first time. “I thought we were going back to your dorm?” he says. I cringe a little at the cautious optimism in his voice. Is he expecting me to come upstairs with him now?

  “I thought it was best if your car was here,” I reply, “since you’re not up for driving. I can walk back from here.”

  He gazes at me, his expression inscrutable. I place one hand on the door handle, but before I can climb out, Aiden catches my hand. “I’m sorry,” he says in a gravelly whisper. “I didn’t mean to flirt with that girl – I’m sorry if it looked that way. I just had too much to drink.” He swallows. “Believe me – you’re the only one I want.”

  I stare at him, mystified by the pleading tone in his voice. I wish I knew what to feel. It upsets me a little that he doesn’t seem to have any intention of apologizing for the rest of it. I offer him a half-hearted smile, then swing my door the rest of the way open.

  “I believe you,” I tell him. “I need to go home and take some medicine now, okay?”

  He looks like there’s more he wants to say, but if there is he doesn’t say it. Instead he nods silently as he disentangles his hand from mine.

  Kyle – 9:00 PM

  I knead at my forehead for a good five or ten minutes until the headache finally starts to subside. There’s a dangerous thought brewing at the back of my mind, and before I’ve given myself the chance to properly quell it, it surges to the forefront of my brain. Driven by a sudden burst of red-hot need, I sit up on the edge of the bed and pull out the second drawer on my desk. I plunge my hand to the back of the drawer and feel around until my fingers close around the slim square of plastic I’d been searching for.

  I swing my legs back up onto the bed, pull my computer onto my lap and push the memory card into the slot on the side. I drum my fingers impatiently against the keyboard as I wait for the card’s contents to load, then scroll past the pictures of the damn cat to the only file I care about. I hold my breath as I double click on the thumbnail and the video player opens. My vision blurs and there’s a high-pitched buzzing in my ears as an unclothed Tawny fills the screen. For the first few seconds she stands alone next to the bed looking dreadfully self-conscious; she relaxes some when I step from behind the camera to join her. I know it’s wrong lying here watching like this, but I can’t bring myself to give a fuck. My cock lengthens and solidifies as I observe Tawny scooping her hand inside my boxers and yanking them down – I can remember the incomparable feeling of having her touch me like it was just this morning, not five fucking months ago.

  As our video selves move to the bed, I reach beneath the covers and hook my thumbs inside the waistband of my boxers. I lift my ass and push them down until they’re around my ankles, then wrap my hand around the base of my shaft and begin to work it up and down. My breathing hitches in my throat as I stare unblinkingly at my computer monitor and revel in the low burn spreading through my body and simmering beneath the surface of my skin. I knew at the time we were filming ourselves it would be a major turn on, but I never dreamed how good it would feel to watch later. My arousal is only enhanced by the fact I haven’t seen or touched Tawny in so long.

  My orgasm builds to the point of almost bursting – I watch in wonder as we continue to fuck, amazed I’d been able to last so long. When Tawny spins around to face the camera I have to still my hand to keep from coming apart in the sheets. My breath comes out fast and shallow as I watch her glorious body sliding up and down over mine. Just as she moans out her release, I reach for an empty cup on my desk and twist around to shoot into it, my heart flying at Mach 3.

  I watch as she falls in a heap against my sweaty chest and I circle her with my arms. The familiar ache is back, only now it hurts even worse. It’s the craziest thing – being jealous of myself. I snap the computer shut, still breathing heavy but now with my eyes shut. I hate the guy in the video – he had absolutely no fucking clue how good he had it.

  Chapter 24 – Chance Meeting

  Friday & Saturday, February 10-11

  Tawny – Friday, 12:15 PM

  “The resort is right on the beach,” Aiden says animatedly, “and it has a full service spa and one of those infinity pools.” I can tell how hard he’s trying to convince me – he hasn’t stopped listing the hotel’s many amenities since we sat down in our booth at Alonzo’s half an hour ago. Evidently the travel agency that services the university is advertising some exclusive and absurdly cheap spring break package that includes airfare to Cabo San Lucas and a four-night stay at one of the city’s five star resorts. Honestly, I’m so sick of the cold and snow, he had me at “Mexico” – but I’ve been enjoying his sales pitch all the same. It’s sort of fun watching him try to coax me into agreeing to go along. Aiden’s been bending over backward for the past five days to be nice to me, ever since he behaved so poorly at the Super Bowl party last Sunday.

  “Did you say there’s a minimum group size in order to get the deal?” I ask before taking a sip of my Sprite.

  He nods soberly. “Six.”

  “Do you think you’ll get that many people to agree?”

  “Sure, sure,” he replies. “Brady and Logan are down, so is Viv. If Logan brings his girl that makes six – easy.”

  Slowly I nod. “All right – I’ll think about it. Can I let you know next week? I need to talk to my parents about moving some money out of my savings account.”

  Judging from the way
he’s beaming at me, I’d say I just made his day. “Can you tell me by Tuesday?” he asks. “We’ll get the best deal if we book by mid-week.” It seems a bit fast, but I suppose it’s only a little over a month until spring break – time flies, even if it doesn’t always feel that way. Suddenly my mind is filled with images of a hot sun and a sandy beach. Plus, it’ll be fun if Vivian goes along. Maybe we can go swimsuit shopping beforehand.

  “Tuesday,” I agree with a nod. I glance at my watch and notice it’s time to start walking to my next class. “I’ve gotta go,” I tell him. “Wanna walk with me, or are you gonna hang here and finish your drink?”

  Aiden shakes his head as he stands up and tosses a couple dollar bills in the center of the table. “I have to go meet Logan,” he says. “I’ll walk out with you.”

  We weave through the maze of tables and step out the front door. We’ve taken half a dozen steps when suddenly I remember what I’m missing. “Woops, I forgot my gloves,” I say. “You go ahead, I’ll see you later.”

  “Okay, later,” says Aiden. He gives me a quick peck on the lips, then rushes off to meet his friend.

  Kyle – Friday, 12:30 PM

  I was grabbing takeout from Alonzo’s when I noticed her sitting in a corner booth with the guy from the photos on Facebook – Aiden. My stomach clenched as I watched him lean in close to her. He’d been smiling and gesticulating like he was telling an exciting story. Meanwhile, Tawny grinned politely and listened without interrupting.

  I’m frozen in a trance as I stare at her like some kind of crazed stalker – it’s almost too much seeing her like this, especially after having watched that damn video. I can’t look at her without having vivid flashbacks.

  I jump about ten feet in the air when one of the employees yells, “Freeman!” Flustered, my eyes flit back to Tawny, but she doesn’t seem to have noticed my name being called. I turn around to accept the paper bag of food, then take a minute to gather a few napkins and top off my Coke. When I glance up again, Tawny is on her way out the door with her guy right behind her – Shit. Without giving any forethought to what I’ll do when I get out there, I start jogging toward the door in an effort to catch her.

  When I reach the door I almost plow into the person walking through it from the outside; I recoil in shock when I realize it’s Tawny. The color drains from her face when she notices I’m the one responsible for our head-on collision. “Kyle,” she says in surprise. If I wasn’t focusing on her with such rapt concentration, I might’ve missed the pulsating vein in her left temple, evidence her heart is beating just as fast as mine is.

  I grip her shoulders and step to the side, drawing her along with me so we’re not obstructing anyone’s path. “How are you?” I ask, wishing we were having this conversation anywhere other than the front of a busy restaurant.

  “I’m okay,” she says. “Busy semester.” She smiles feebly in a way that makes my heart hurt. “What about you?” she asks.

  “I’m getting by,” I reply. “Just got accepted into the journalism program for next year.”

  Her face breaks into a huge smile that makes me feel like I’m floating. “Kyle, that’s amazing. Congratulations.”

  “Thanks.” I can’t help but grin back at her – it feels too good to see her happy like this. Immediately I begin trying to think of other ways to make her smile.

  “How’s Donna?” she asks, suddenly more sober.

  “Ah, uh, she’s…okay. Just got done with chemo.”

  The corner of Tawny’s mouth twitches up into a half grin. “Hopefully she’ll be able to gain some of her strength back, then.”

  “I’m hoping so,” I reply. “Honestly I’m a little confused – Jack and I took her out to celebrate the end of her treatment last weekend, but for some reason she almost seems more depressed now than she was before.”

  Tawny nods slowly, as if this makes perfect sense to her. “I can understand that,” she says softly.

  “Why?” I ask. “I mean, I thought she’d be relieved to have it over with.”

  She sighs. “I’m sure she is. It’s just – all the treatments she’s been through – surgery, radiation, chemo – going through all of that is awful, and it can wreck you physically, but at least it means you’re taking action. That can be empowering, because the focus is on a solution. I remember feeling sort of helpless when I finished chemo, because suddenly I was expected to just sit and wait to see if the cancer came back. For people like me, and I imagine also like Donna, the not doing is so much harder than the doing.”

  I feel like I’ve just had the all secrets of the universe explained to me – suddenly it all makes sense. I’m so overcome with gratitude I could kiss her. It’s inordinately difficult to refrain from doing so – as Tawny says, not doing is a whole hell of a lot harder than taking action.

  “Wow,” I say instead. “That…makes perfect sense, actually.”

  She smiles. “I’m glad. It’s hard to explain to someone who hasn’t been in the same situation – I know she’ll appreciate your understanding.”

  She checks her watch. I hold her eyes with my gaze, my mind racing to think of a way to keep her here with me and prolong this moment for as long as possible. Of course, I’m just delaying the inevitable. When Tawny glances back up at me I’m holding my breath. “I have class,” she says, wincing apologetically.

  I swallow. “Yeah, me too,” I lie. “I should get going.”

  She ducks her head but keeps her eyes trained on mine. For a moment neither of us speaks or makes a move. The tension in the air between us is palpable, like we both have volumes to say but neither of us has the first clue how to begin.

  Tawny is first to break the silence. “I was just going to get my gloves off the table,” she says softly. “Bye, Kyle – it was good to see you.”

  “Yeah – you too, Tawny. See ya around.”

  She slips around me, and I have no choice but to keep moving. I step out onto the sidewalk and round the corner of the building, then duck into an alley and lean up against a brick wall to catch my breath. I squeeze my eyes tightly shut as I allow my lungs to fill with the icy air. Jesus, when will I ever move on from this?

  Tawny – Saturday, 4:30 AM

  I jerk awake drenched in a cold sweat and immediately wish I’d stayed asleep. Obviously seeing Kyle and actually speaking to him was too much for my fragile psyche, because I just had the most amazingly, vibrantly intense sex dream about him. In the dream, we’d been at a party, and I had jumped up on one of the tables and started dancing while Kyle watched me with a mischievous grin on his face. At the end of my dance he’d scooped me up off the table and whispered in my ear how much he wanted me, then announced to everyone within earshot that I was “his girl.” After that he’d carried me off to some back room and screwed me until I was on the brink of a very powerful orgasm – and that’s when I woke up.

  For several minutes I keep my eyes pressed shut as I pant and try desperately to fall back to sleep, to resume where I left off in my erotic fantasy. As it becomes clear that won’t be happening, I slowly open one eye, then the other. I’m bewildered when I realize I’m not where I expected to be. Instead of the fluorescent light above my bed, there’s a ceiling fan, and instead of my puffy comforter, I’m wrapped up in an afghan and somebody’s arms.

  Slowly I turn my body, taking in the rest of my surroundings. I freeze when my eyes land on the person holding me – Aiden. Oh God. It all comes rushing back to me – we were watching a movie on his couch, and I must’ve fallen asleep. I’m curled up in my boyfriend’s arms, and I’m having a sex dream about someone else! God, I’m a terrible person.

  I turn my head to look at the glowing green numbers on the DVD player; I’m shocked when I realize it’s 4:32 in the morning. That means I’ve been asleep for five hours, maybe even longer. No wonder my neck is sore.

  Slowly I twist and wiggle until I’ve eased myself out of Aiden’s grasp. He mumbles something, and for a second I think I must’ve woken him, but
then he turns around and faces the back of the couch and goes still once more. I allow my breathing to steady, then begin to tiptoe across the carpet to the front door. Quietly I gather my purse and slip on my boots, then let myself out the door.

  Chapter 25 – Fill In

  Monday, February 27

  Kyle – 1:45 PM

  Call me when you get a sec

  Les’s text message arrives just as I’m walking out of class, so I decide to go ahead and give him a call. He picks up on the first ring.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey,” I reply. “Did you need something?”

  “Yeah, what’re you doing for spring break?”

  “Eh, I’m not sure. My uncle said I could come work for him and earn some extra cash, but I haven’t decided yet.”

  “Come to Cabo instead,” he says.

  I laugh, thinking he must be joking. “Wait, are you serious?” I ask when I realize he isn’t laughing with me.

  “Yeah, man. Steph just called.” (Inwardly I roll my eyes. Steph is one friend of Les’s I’ve never much cared for). “They already booked some package through student services, but half their group just backed out, so they need three more or else they lose out on the special pricing. She invited you, me and Leila.”

  “Dude, that’s three weeks from now,” I reply incredulously. “I don’t even have a fucking passport.”

  “Leila doesn’t either,” he says, undeterred. “We already checked into it – you can apply for expedited processing, and they can get it to you within two weeks.”

  “You know things are tight for me right now, man,” I say. “I can’t afford to go to fuckin’ Mexico just on a whim.”

  “Freeman,” he says, “the package includes airfare and hotel, and if all three of us go it’s only four hundred dollars a person. That’s an amazing deal, dude.”

  “I’m sure it is. Doesn’t mean I have the four hundred bucks.” Actually, I’m sort of busting his balls right now. After working odd jobs and stashing some money from that photo contest last fall, I have a little bit of a nest egg going – and Cabo for spring break does sound pretty awesome. Still, even though I have everything I need right now, it’s second nature for me to squirrel away every penny I earn, knowing another rainy day is likely to be just around the corner.